Broken Clay

There is something interesting I have observed recently; it seems VITAL for everyone to give off an "illusion" of a perfect untainted life. 

God forbid we talk about those sad lonely nights you cried your eyes out. God forbid we talk about those times you were not sure of your next steps and couldn't seem to figure things out with all the darkness around you.

God forbid!!!!!

How can we let our enemies see our tears? How can we retire from the pepper dem gang so early???

God forbid!!!!

So we drown the pain in booze, sex, drugs, relationships or whatever can take our minds off the hollow void deep within. We smile and fake it until we make it.

And most times we do make it, we actually feel better when we get up, get dressed and step out with our heads high - lipstick set, heels clicking and weave in place; we actually make it.

But.....

How can you learn and grow from something you continually deny?

Trust me, I get very uncomfortable with misery - I honestly think it is one of the most draining unproductive emotion on earth; I often equate it to seeing something spilled on the floor and instead of getting help or even moving to clean it up, you sit in the mess and wail, will the wailing clean up the mess?

I also totally understand deep paralyzing pain and I often tell people to let it ride out; cry if you want to, shout if you want to, just do whatever makes you feel better and THEN get your ass off the floor and latch on to a solution. 

Now, a pretty logical question:

How can you find a solution when you are too concerned with being the King/Queen of pepper dem gang to even accept there is a problem in the first instance and there are lessons to be learnt and things to fix?

Why am I saying all these things?

Because MY PAIN AND DARKEST HOURS are now one of the most important periods of my life!!!

Through pain, I learnt to trust in God completely and so far that has been one of my best decisions.

Through pain, I learnt how to understand other people's pain and when I say "it will be OK", I truly mean it and I don't just say it to fill up uncomfortable space.

Through pain, I learnt what I should value in life and what is not important.

Through pain, I learnt how strong any human being can be and how expansive our ability to be resilient can be.

Through pain, I learnt life is freaking not all about me - I am not put here on earth to fill up space or like I like to say snap picture; I am put on earth to fulfill God's purpose and help humanity the best way I can.

Through pain, I learnt to see and accept the frailty of human beings and our inconsistencies - knowing Man can fail and that is perfectly OK; more reason to keep my eyes firmly fixed on God.

Through pain, I learnt how important it is for me to now comfort others as I have been comforted and to love as best as I have been loved by God (Trust me, those are pretty big shoes to fill because I thought cupid had love all figured out until I experienced God's love - His love is simply indescribable).

Through pain, I can now compare my before and after story and be awed by all God has done. 

Do you think I would have learnt all these lessons if I had been so concerned with optics or denying my pain?

Now don't get me wrong (please scroll up, incase you missed it), I hate misery - accepting the existence of pain does not equate wearing it as a cloak. How are they supposed to see the difference between your during the war and after the war picture if your face is all gloomy?

All am saying is let the pain do its work; building you up, using it as a fuel and building up your absolute reliance on God and THEN let it go (sometimes you won't even notice it is gone until one day you look in the mirror and get blown away by the glow on your face).

I look back and with laughter now describe my experiences through this simple illustration:

"A Potter creates an exquisite vessel; wonderfully made but then the vessel falls in the wrong hands;  gets soiled and really dirty. The Potter is left with two options - throw the vessel away or break it down to pieces and once again, lovingly create a better brand new vessel; most times this particular Potter picks the latter option"

Your pain is not there to crush you, when it seems like your life is in pieces; maybe just maybe the Potter is lovingly putting back the broken clay and trust me, the outcome is always better - He repairs with gold.

So the key is not to deny it. The key is not to drown it with temporary distractions. The key is let God use it for your own good.

Smile.